Sunday, November 27, 2011

 

Pilgrims and Indians ready to feast together.

We had an unusually quiet Thanksgiving this year.  Typically our house is filled with people to help celebrate and give thanks, but this year, sniffles and sore throats kept us from joining others for the special occasion.  So we celebrated in grand fashion at home by ourselves and managed to keep Derek healthy, which is a very big reason to thank God. 



We spent the day building Lego houses and clinics, reading stories, and talking to family on the phone.

Derek has this week off from chemo before beginning the next five-week cycle on December 5.  Tomorrow's clinic visit hopefully will be just a doctor visit and blood work, but we will see.   

Oxymora

An Oxymoron is a combination of contradictory or incongruous words. Sometimes used in humor, an oxymoron may also contain very deep meaning or a truth that may take some pondering to unpack. It seems my life is full of them, especially right now. Here are a few that describe my current experience.

Quick doctor visit
Ever-changing schedule
Hated blessing
Excruciating peace

As I think about it, however, the abundance of oxymora in my life right now is not limited to my current experience. Perhaps the life of every follower of Christ is characterized by oxymora. Second Corinthians 12:10 contains a couple of good examples: “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Pleasurable infirmities and distresses? Strength in being weak? Definitely oxymora to contemplate. What does each of these look like in practical life? Is it really possible to think of an infirmity or a distress as also a pleasure? Shouldn’t I just endure such things? Why do I need to find pleasure in them? Really, God? People frequently tell me these days to stay strong. But how do I stay strong when I am not strong to begin with? Perhaps this verse holds a clue. Thank You, God!

A favorite hymn of mine, penned by George Matheson in 1890, contains several compelling oxymora as well. Here are two verses from his original hymn.

Make me a captive, Lord, and then I shall be free;

Force me to render up my sword, and I shall conqueror be.

I sink in life’s alarms when by myself I stand;

Imprison me within Thine arms, and strong shall be my hand.

My will is not my own till Thou hast made it Thine;

If it would reach a monarch’s throne, it must its crown resign;

It only stands unbent, amid the clashing strife,

When on Thy bosom it has leant, and found in Thee its life.

Sometimes events in my life right now seem incongruent, contradictory, even senseless. But like a dissonant chord that is quietly resolved in beautiful harmony, I believe that, as I surrender to my Composer, my oxymoronic life will someday make sense and be filled with even deeper meaning and beauty. Thank You, God!

Three Weeks and Counting - November 18, 2011

Derek has now been home for three whole weeks as of today. He is gaining strength back even though his appetite is not always good. After four weeks of chemo, he has reached the lowest level of immunity yet.

On Monday when we went for more chemo, his blood counts were quite low. He received three different chemo drugs including one as a spinal. When the labs came back from his blood test, we found his hemoglobin was quite low, and they needed to give him a blood transfusion. So a clinic visit we anticipated would take only a couple of hours turned into an all-day event. After nearly eight hours, we finally walked out the door at 5:45 p.m. The doctor wanted follow-up blood work on Friday to see how his counts were doing. Just a quick blood draw.

This morning we went for our “quick” appointment. Two hours later, we finally had the lab results. Derek’s counts were so low I can hardly believe he feels good. His white count is 500. Normal is 5,000 to 10,000. His ANC is 100. Normal is over 2,000. He is at extreme risk right now. Four straight weeks of chemo have finally taken their toll on his immune system. The doctor wanted to give him a medication to help bring up his white blood count but needed to check to make sure it was alright, considering the study he is on. They and we do not want him to get kicked off for a simple mistake. Two hours later, after two people looked over all the study details, they approved the medication. He will need this injection for 5-7 consecutive days, but the clinic is closed over the weekend. I had to learn how to give it to him. The last time I tried to give him an injection, it did not go well, and we ended up going to the clinic every day instead. This time, that was not an option. He needed to let me give it to him. After some coaxing, some numbing cream on his arm, and a nap, he agreed to let me do it. The nurse held his arm and coached me while I gave the first injection in my life. He cried a little, but he did not fight it as he did before. We will see how tomorrow goes here at home. We finally left the clinic after our "short" visit of four and a half hours and headed to the pharmacy to pick up supplies and the medication to do the injections at home. Please pray that he will be willing to let me do it again.

Each time we visit the clinic, the nurse has to put a needle in Derek’s port in his upper chest. This is called “accessing” the port. They draw blood and administer most of his medications through the port. As we were eating lunch at the clinic this afternoon, Derek stuck a straw into a little milk box for a drink. Kristen piped up, “Look! The milk box’s port is accessed!” All three of us laughed. Derek joked that the white milk was actually white blood cells going into his body. When your children see everything from the perspective of cancer treatments, you know it has become too much a part of your life. We are left to find the humor in it.

We have another clinic visit on Monday and one more dose of chemo. Then we will have about two weeks break from chemo before we start the next round. Until his counts go up, we are sticking to the house. Please pray that Derek will remain healthy and that his white count will rise significantly over the weekend. We would really like to stay out of the hospital, especially for Thanksgiving.

Thursday, November 03, 2011



 Derek was finally released from the hospital last Friday afternoon after his chemo treatment. We had a wonderful weekend at home once again. On Sabbath afternoon, we went up to the mountains to a quiet, unpopulated spot and went for a little hike with some close friends and family. Derek did really well, though he did not have the strength or stamina he had a few weeks ago. It frustrated him a bit that he could not keep up, climb trees, and scramble up rocks the way he used to. Vince carried him on his shoulders most of the way back. Even so, it was just good to get out and do something normal for a change, something we used to enjoy practically every Sabbath. With his counts dropping again now, we will have to stay home for the next couple of weeks.

Derek rode on Vince's shoulders most of the way back. He wore a mask except for pictures.

Kristen and Derek with some good friends.

Derek had to go to the clinic four days this week for more chemo. Monday was a 10-hour day, but the other visits only lasted about an hour. Next week will be the same. So far, he has had very few side effects, which is a bit unbelievable. He still has not lost all his hair either, though it will most likely happen. We count it a blessing and an answer to prayer that he is doing so well. Once again, we thank you for keeping him and all of us in your prayers.