Friday, March 18, 2016

So how is Derek? I am frequently asked that question, and I’m not sure how to answer.  He is NOT ok, but he is doing ok for not being ok. The steroids, which ended early last week, produced a good appetite, but his energy level has been very low. He developed painful mouth sores that made it difficult to eat. Fortunately those are gone now, but he has nerve pain in his legs and sometimes his jaw. Tylenol doesn’t touch any of it. A week ago, Derek experienced shortness of breath, dizziness to the point of collapsing on the floor, nausea, and body temperature regulation problems. We’re still not sure the cause, but after a visit to the clinic and a whole liter of fluids, he was enough improved to go home.  He had some dizziness the next day, but not as bad. This past Monday he had another LP with intrathecal chemo and also an IV chemo. Again he has had a lot of pain. His left eye has shifted up again which is making it difficult to focus his eyes together. While the enlarged lymph nodes in his neck have reduced in size a lot, several are still enlarged and hard. With only two more chemo treatments to go, I am skeptical that this treatment will do much to solve the problem. But in reality, I don’t think that anyone of us truly expected it to. We know we are only buying time. With each relapse, his cancer is harder to cure, and when this course of treatment ends in a week and a half, we will have pretty much exhausted all treatment options anywhere in Southern California. If we will continue to fight this monster, we will have to seek treatment in other parts of the country. That sentence is so difficult to write, and harder still to wrap our heads around. What this will mean for our family is not possible to comprehend right now.  We trust that God will walk with us through the difficult days ahead, and we are so grateful for his faithfulness.  When I look back over the last four and a half years of Derek’s cancer journey, I am struck by how much more I understand of God now than I did at the beginning, and I thought I knew Him then. I am convinced without a shadow of a doubt of His personal love and care for Derek and our family even in the middle of the horrible things that have happened.  I know for some, the existence of a loving God is hard to juxtapose with the presence of suffering. For me, I have seen it firsthand. Thank you for your continued prayers on our behalf. We will see what God will do.