Our Last Day. August 23, 2018

Two years ago today, it was our last day. Here are some memories:

·         We had arrived at Lucille Packard Children’s Hospital the day before to hopefully begin a clinical trial. We finally got into a room late in the evening.

·         No urine output after midnight meant Derek’s kidneys were shutting down.

·         I met with the medical team where they informed me that with kidneys shutting down, he

A year without Derek – A random collection of thoughts. August 24, 2017

One year. One year since time became forever cut in two: before Derek died and after. How can it be one year since we held him as he breathed his last? One year since I held his hand, trying unsuccessfully to keep it warm as I felt his warmth slip away. How would I survive?

January 24, 2017

One year ago today, Derek crawled into bed early in the morning saying that the side of his neck hurt. We snuggled for a while and he went back to sleep. When it was light, I could see what looked like an enlarged lymph node below his left ear. He had a chronic sinus infection, and I hoped that it was just an immune response to his infection. We didn’t know at the time the sinus infection was probably caused by the lymphoma in his face. It was the visible start to Derek’s horrible third battle with cancer. Exactly seven months later, to the day, he lost that battle. And so also today, we have somehow survived five months without him. It is agony to think back over the last year and remember how much Derek suffered. And it is a treasure to think of how God walked with us even on the darkest days. Treasured agony. Another oxymoron for my personal collection.

The Hope of Christmas Past

December 24. Christmas Eve. I wake early, memories of the early morning four months ago flooding my mind. Derek’s steady, shallow breathing and rapid heartbeat displayed on the monitor above his head. We knew his life was coming to an end. There was no cure. We had done everything possible to give him a fighting chance, and he had fought so hard. It was time for him to rest, though the

Together

Watching someone suffer whom you love must be one of the most difficult things in the world. He was so brave and fought so hard. And we were together, because no one should fight alone. We were together, because in the midst of the fighting, there was also

Derek's Memorial Service

Derek's memorial service will be held on September 10 at 2:30 p.m. at the Azure Hills Church in Grand Terrace, CA. It will be especially for children - all the children who have prayed faithfully for Derek for five years. The service will be livestreamed at the following link for those who cannot

Battle Ended - Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Derek's long, brave battle ended peacefully this morning August 24 at 4:45. The three of us were holding him, and he was not in pain. The hope of heaven is cemented in our broken hearts.

Much Overdue Update: August 21, 2016

When I last wrote, Derek was preparing for 10 palliative radiation treatments to try to halt the progression of tumor growth in his face and neck. He completed those treatments by the end of July and seemed to be making progress. His labs were improving slowly, and the number of

Friday, July 1, 2016

Well, Derek's appetite has improved a bit. You must have been praying. They decided to send him home today, and that goal was just now accomplished. We are HOME! :) The PET scan results, however, are not good. This last round of treatment may

Thursday, June 30, 2016

The day after I posted about Derek's mouth sores, they were dramatically better even though everyone told us they wouldn't clear up until his white count comes back. Yesterday his white count was still zero, but he only had one sore under his tongue. When you pray, God hears. Thank you. They have given him

June 26, 2016

Derek and I traveled home from Stanford two weeks ago. They had a bed waiting for him at Loma Linda Children's Hospital when we arrived, and he was admitted for two days to make sure he was stable. They released him with two IV antibiotics which I administered at home.  Because we

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

This post is difficult for me to write. Derek finished his first round of the clinical trial with Selinexor about three weeks ago. His scans were delayed because of the RSV that put him in PICU for 16 days.  As his white count began to trickle back in and he began to recover from the RSV, his